Meanwhile, Out in the Barn
by wileyestshepherd
Summary: What are the Lancer horses' names? Some we know and some are created in fandom. What happens when the Lancers leave them in the barn? Written with a co-writer, but doesn't have a moniker.


**Meanwhile, Out In The Barn . . .**

"Here he comes!" _Barranca_ jerked his head back inside the stall and turned to face the door.

"Who?" called out the new comer, a tall lean bay with a slender white blaze and a white front left foot and rear right foot.

"The Jellybean!" _Toby_ neighed from next door.

"The Jellybean?"

"The stall cleaner, you fool!" _What's His Name_ snorted from across the aisle.

"The stall cleaner? Is that what you call the groom?" The new bay quizzed.

"Groom!" _Barranca_ snorted, "I would call him a lot of things, but groom AIN'T the word!"

"He needs a groom himself!" stomped _What's His Name_.

"So, there's no groom here?"

"Well, yes and no." _Toby_ nickered. "Sometimes our riders groom us, sometimes this old fool brushes us, and if we are lucky, Johnny grooms us."

"Oh, Johnny!" chorused the two mares at the end while batting their eyes, "Mmmm, we LOVE to have Johnny rubbing us down!"

 _What's His Name_ and _Toby_ rolled their eyes before _Toby_ spoke, "That's enough, ladies, he's not THAT special."

"I think you boys are just jealous!" _Barranca_ shook his head and rang out a neigh that shook his whole body.

"Well, I have to agree he does know how to make a horse glisten!" _What's His Name_ concurred, "BUT, there's no need to carry on so about it!"

"I think that green eyed monster is coming out, _What's His Name_!" _Barranca's_ laughter filled the barn.

 _What's His Name_ snaked his head around the partition, his bared teeth, snapping in the air.

"Boys." _Toby_ cautioned.

"Shhhh!" The girls snorted.

They quieted and faced the aisle with their heads out, turning to look in the direction of the door as Jelly entered.

"As if a man ain't got enough work to do, now I gotta do this job! I swear, thought Lincoln freed the slaves. Don't pay a man enough to put up with this! Tomorrow, I'm gonna tell Mr. High and Mighty Murdoch Lancer that I want a raise, or I quit! Plain and simple. Jellifer B. Hoskins is NOT a slave!"

They neighed loudly at his appearance.

As he snorted, _Barranca_ shook his head up and down profusely, stomping with first one foot and then another. _What's His Name_ tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't help but kick the wall behind him with his hind feet. _Toby_ slung his head back and forth in dismay at not only the boys, but in disbelief at the ridiculous soliloquy by the Jellybean.

Jelly stepped into the feed room and pulled out a wooden cart, "Dang it! These gol' dern idiots! Don't they know they are supposed to mix up a new batch of feed when they use up all the feed in the cart!"

The din in the barn was loud with neighing, stomping, and kicking.

"Just hold yur dang horses, you crowbaits! I'm a comin'! Cain't you see there ain't no food in here!"

Jelly pulled the cart back to the feed room door and disappeared inside. He reappeared with a burlap bag full of oats over his shoulder. He pulled a knife from his pocket and cut the top of the bag, cursing as he wrestled up and held it over and against the cart to pour the oats into it. When the weight of the pouring oats caused the opening of the bag to slide down and off the cart, spilling oats onto the floor he swore again, setting the barn into an uproar.

 _Barranca_ spun round and round in his stall, sending dust and straw into the air. _What's His Name_ began pawing with his front feet, digging matching trenches in the dirt floor. Even _Toby_ had to let out a few guffaws. _The Newcomer_ let out of few nickers himself as he watched the funny little man the others called Jellybean snatch up the bag and finish pouring the oats into the feed wagon.

Jelly took the empty sack back into the feed room and threw it on the stack. He was still griping to himself when he came out with another bag of corn, and opened it. Being heavier than the oats, he took a bucket and scooped out about half the bag before he picked up the bag and poured the rest into the wagon, stepping into the pile of oats he had spilled.

The horses saw it and _What's His Name_ screamed out, "He's wasting oats! That sloth is wasting perfectly good oats!"

"Awe shut up, will ya!" Jelly yelled at the horses. He slipped on the oats as he turned to take the sack back into the feed room.

"Ah heck, better git them up before Mr. Fancy Pants comes in here a carryin' on about wastin' the feed."

 _Barranca_ and _What's His Name's_ heads shot up and they stared at each other, wearing equal puckers on their faces.

"Surely he's not talking about my Johnny!" _Barranca_ curled his lips back, showing his upper teeth.

"Well, he can't be talking about my Scott!" _What's His Name_ wagged his tongue back at _Barranca_. "Even this ridiculous little man wouldn't dare disrespect my Scott by calling him 'Mr. Fancy Pants.'"

 _Barranca_ arched an eyebrow at his bay friend.

"Don't you dare mention those plaid pants, _Barranca_ ," the bay shot back. "We've already discussed them . . . _too_ many times. Anyway, Scott disposed of them a long time ago."

Jelly returned and when he did, he took the metal feed scoop and began scooping up the spilled oats, not caring that he was also including some barn debris with them, and putting the mix into the feed bin.

"My God! The man has absolutely no couth!" _What's His Name_ declared with his neck as far out of the stall as he could get it, his head cocked sideways.

"You and those fancy words!" _Barranca_ called back, shaking his head back and forth. "What is it with you and those fancy words? Can't you just say he's a pig and be done with it?"

Before _What's His-Name_ could respond, _Toby's_ deep neigh vibrated the barn roof. "He'll colic us all!"

In the background the mares were spinning, dancing, tossing their heads and singing in unison, "He'll colic us all, he'll colic us all!"

"Quiet!" Jelly yelled, stopping the cacophony in the barn. "Ya'll ain't starvin'! Have mercy. You'd think you'd never been fed a day in yer lives. No matter that you just ate twelve measly hours ago and you've been out in the pasture eatin' grass for an hour!"

"Hmmph!" Snorted _What's His Name_ , "He didn't have to move those stupid cows all across the place!"

"Damn straight. If he'd had to go into all those cactus and briars and pull those stupid bastards out of the mud, he'd be hungry too. A growin' boy like me needs his feed!" _Barranca_ added.

"Yup, if he had to travel all over the ranch to be sure SOME people. . ." _Toby_ snorted and flicked his ears back at _Barranca_ , ". . .were doing what they were supposed to be doing, he'd be hungry too. Doesn't look like he's missed any meals."

 _The Newcomer_ listened to the jobs of the others. Nothing compared to the work he had to do, but, at least he would have a buddy. He was supposed to match up with someone named _Zanzibar_. But his stall was empty at the moment.

They continued their banter until Jelly finished mixing the feed. Then he pushed the wagon and made his way down the aisle scooping feed into their metal buckets. One by one they quieted.

Disgusted with the dirt in his feed, _What's His Name_ slung his bucket to shake the dirt away from his food clanging back and forth like a bell. _Barranca_ on the other hand, took his food in huge mouthfuls, and stuck his head over the door, maneuvering the good food from the dirt and letting the dirt and some of the feed fall to the floor. _Toby_ just put his head in and prayed as he ate that he could blow most of the dirt out and wouldn't colic.

 _The Newcomer_ , just grateful that it appeared he would get to eat twice a day, dug in, appreciative of his meal. A little dirt never hurt anyone, or had it?

The two mares at the end preferred to sip their water as they ate, just as they liked to soak their hay.

Jelly finished feeding and pushed the cart back to the feed room. "Well, I'll be dadblamed if ya'll ain't the nastiest creatures God ever created. Why can't ya'll be more like them two!" Jelly stared between _Barranca_ and _What's His Name_ , nodding toward _The Newcomer_ and _Toby_.

He turned back to _What's His Name_ , "You, beatin' yur bucket inta pieces, and you," turning to look at _Barranca_ , "throwing perfectly good feed around."

As if on cue, both younger horses let out wet sloppy snorts, sending feed into the air, the floor and onto Jelly. "Dang it, you two are just like them youngsters that ride ya! Always a pain in my neck!"

Shaking his head, he pushed the cart back to the feed room.

The End


End file.
